EASTER INTRUDER

     It was an early Easter morning in 1992… I remember it was Easter because the night before I had to run out and get more Easter goodies so that our 3 year old Jessica and 6 year old Stephenie’s Easter joy was fulfilled.  We must not have been going to a church at the time, because Easter just sprang on us, catching us totally unprepared.

     

     I must have been distracted by the rush to get everything set up,  because I forgot to lock the door that night.

    

     The next morning, as the sun was just breaking in through the curtain; drawing a line on the opposite wall.  My wife, at the time, Donna senses someone standing near our bed and staring down on us.  She opens her eyes expecting to see her brother Keith dropping in to surprise us for Easter, but instead it is a large burly man she had never seen before.

    

     She gasped loud enough to wake me, Sandy and Danica.

    Sandy and Danica were our young half Lab - half Doberman dogs, who always slept at the foot of our bed, out of sight from the doorway where this stranger was standing.    Now these dogs are the most dormant dogs you could ever meet.  The only time we had heard them bark was if one were chasing the other.   We have had many strangers walk up to our door previously and the two dogs just showed them the way into the house.

     

     But this time, the startled gasp put them on alert.  Both came charging around the bed and right at the stranger.  It was a flurry of gnashing teeth and guttural growls, right at the stranger’s crotch.  They backed him up against the living room wall and he had his hands up in the “I surrender mode”.

        

     I had never seen such precise and coordinated dipping and dodging as the two dogs barked and snapped at the stranger’s privates. 

    

     Things were so under control that Donna got up and went into the living room and sat on the couch; so she could gather her thoughts.  I took my time and pulled on pants and shoes, just in case he beats me up, I will at least be dressed.

     

     It may have been about two minutes of commotion when I was finally ready to face our intruder.  I gave one sharp and pointed command, “Sandy, Danica – SIT!” it was the only command they knew.

     

     Immediately both dogs quieted and pranced over to either side of Donna and sat, eyes like lasers on the intruder.   The display was so impressive I could tell the intruder knew he was in the presence of trained attack dogs.  I was not going to tell him different and I tried my hardest to hide my surprise that the dogs actually listened to me for the first time in their lives.

    

     I calmly looked up (really far up) at the intruder and asked him, why he was in my house.   He had to have been at least 6’-5” and 250 pounds.

 

    “I must have come to the wrong house,” he slurred. 

    “I think so,” I answered. Just as I heard Jessica shuffling down the hallway rubbing her eyes.

    

     “Is that the Easter Bunny?” she asked. 

     Oh crap, I am thinking.  This is a dangerous situation and now he knows we have kids.  I could see Stephenie peeping out her bedroom door, wisely ready to bolt out the back door.

     

     In an attempt to get Jessica safe I ordered, “It is not the Easter Bunny! Now go back to bed.”

     She shuffled back to her room, Stephenie grabbed Jessica’s arm and pulled her in.

     Turning my attention back to the intruder, “Why are you here,” I asked.

     “I thought this was my brother’s home,” he answered.

     Well that was possible.  These old beach bungalows did look a lot the same.  And he was apparently drunk (although extremely steady on his feet and puffing up his chest with each passing moment).

     Donna mentions that we need to get the police to help us straighten out this error.  That really made him puff up his chest and suddenly - he was sober.

     At this point, if he gets physical, I am not sure if Sandy and Danica will help me.  We never taught them the word “sic-em”.  For all I know they would sit on the sidelines and take bets on how long I would last against this monster.

    Hoping he will take my queue I ponder over at the two dogs for a moment and tell him, “Well you made a mistake and now you need to leave,” just wanting him out of the house.

    After a few promises that we would not call the police; he agreed to leave.  On his way out he pulls a large tarp out from behind the front door. 

    I lock the door behind him and still have no idea what he intended to do with the tarp.

    I hope everyone has a great Easter.